Sunday Confessional

I confess that I have been spending far too much time on my phone while we are at home.  I noticed it this last week, when I got upset at Hosea.  He was jumping on his brother and I had asked him to give Moses a little space.  Only instead of actually asking him I briefly looked up from the email I was reading and told him.  Then I told him again, and again, and when he still didn’t listen, I yelled at him.

Yelling always makes everything worse.  I felt terrible the moment after I yelled, and I apologized to him, but the reaction was still there.  Later that night after Hosea had gone to bed, I found myself thinking and praying about why I had snapped at him so easily.  I realized two things. For one, I hadn’t been engaging with him and he was aware of that.  He knew I wasn’t paying attention and he was just being a little boy with boundless enthusiasm. I had not been paying attention and was therefore missing out on spending quality time with my boy because I was reading an email, or scrolling Facebook or some other silly thing that could have waited.

I confess that I don’t want to be that kind of parent.  I don’t want to teach my boys that its okay to half-way engage in what you are doing because you’re playing on your phone.  I definitely don’t want to be the kind of parent that snaps at his boys.  I want my parenting to be marked with grace, and I want my every moment in life to be marked with that same grace.

I am so relieved that God gives me grace in all things, because it is a huge responsibility to be a parent who models Jesus.  I find I have to ask for forgiveness from God and from my boys much more often than I would like.  Praise God for grace.

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