I confess that I have forgotten to post the last couple weeks. We’ve been away a bit and I’ve been focusing on school, finishing up one class and beginning another. I confess I’m actually very nervous about this upcoming class. It’s a pilgrimage around Ireland and Northern Ireland to see various holy sites. I’m really excited about the course content and the opportunities presented. I’m nervous because Abigail and the boys will not be going on the 10-day journey. I have spent `a grand total of two nights away from Abigail in the five years that we’ve been married, only one away from Hosea, and 0 away from Moses. I am, at my a core, a family man. I love my family, and I love spending time with them. It hurts me to think about spending that much time away from my family.
I confess that I plan on using this time of pilgrimage to seek God’s will for our family and what our next steps will be. When Abigail and I returned to the States from Haiti in 2012 we had a hard time adjusting. I didn’t realize why I was having a hard time until I heard Pastor Tim Suttle preach on the importance of finding margin in your life. Just carving out time for God. We had done it without thinking in Haiti because often, there wasn’t anything else to do some days. I would find myself sitting on the roof of the hotel reading my Bible in the warm Haitian sun. I had concentrated time of margin where I sought the Lord. It was so good. I hope to use the time during the class as a bit of margin. A time when I can pause and pursue and be refreshed.
I want and crave that time of renewal and refreshment, but I can still feel a bit of clinging sadness for leaving my family for a time. I will desperately miss my boys. I always put my boys to bed at night, I read to them and then pray with them and rock Moses to sleep. It has become part of the rhythm of my life and I think a part of me depends on it. Bed time at our house is a calm time, and its typically a time when I can really have some of my best conversations with Hosea. So I will miss my boys. I will miss my wife as well. I will miss making her breakfast in the morning and I will miss lying in bed next to her.
I know I will only be gone for a few days, but I’ll miss doing life with my family. I cherish the everyday moments leading up to these 10 days away.
I confess that I am both anxious and excited for this course.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
I’ve made my confession, now go make yours.