I confess that I have been spending far too much time on my phone while we are at home. I noticed it this last week, when I got upset at Hosea. He was jumping on his brother and I had asked him to give Moses a little space. Only instead of actually asking him I briefly looked up from the email I was reading and told him. Then I told him again, and again, and when he still didn’t listen, I yelled at him.
Yelling always makes everything worse. I felt terrible the moment after I yelled, and I apologized to him, but the reaction was still there. Later that night after Hosea had gone to bed, I found myself thinking and praying about why I had snapped at him so easily. I realized two things. For one, I hadn’t been engaging with him and he was aware of that. He knew I wasn’t paying attention and he was just being a little boy with boundless enthusiasm. I had not been paying attention and was therefore missing out on spending quality time with my boy because I was reading an email, or scrolling Facebook or some other silly thing that could have waited.
I confess that I don’t want to be that kind of parent. I don’t want to teach my boys that its okay to half-way engage in what you are doing because you’re playing on your phone. I definitely don’t want to be the kind of parent that snaps at his boys. I want my parenting to be marked with grace, and I want my every moment in life to be marked with that same grace.
I am so relieved that God gives me grace in all things, because it is a huge responsibility to be a parent who models Jesus. I find I have to ask for forgiveness from God and from my boys much more often than I would like. Praise God for grace.